Is It Time To Let Go & “Get Over Yourself?”
Have you ever had someone tell you to ‘Get over yourself’? Depending on the situation it can leave you feeling uncomfortable or even a bit confused, well I know that’s how I felt when someone said it to me. Every time we interact with others, we have a choice to acknowledge and listen to their words, but when we take what other people say personally, we may end up feeling hurt without reason. So what does “get over yourself ” even really mean?
According to Quora Answers, “Get over yourself” is a short, angry remark that other people say when you have said something that is ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’, or it could also be implying that you are wallowing in self-pity and you should start doing something about what is eating at you “. This statement usually comes from that person’s perception of you and how they view your life from the outside. Whilst it’s easy to take things personally, you should never let anyone’s perceptions or actions affect how you see yourself or your worth. You may just have been an easy target for someone having a bad day and their comments may have been offered with no ill intentions, either way, if it has prompted you to look at how you can get over yourself, let’s look at some ways you may be able to break this statement down to get a better understanding of it.
Getting over yourself could mean that the person is trying to tell you, you need to make some changes and shifts in your perspectives. Maybe you need to take yourself less seriously, stop complaining about situations or maybe you need to look at your problems with a new lens. On reflection, here is the most important thing you need to know, if you want to make changes because you realise there are things that will make your life better, well go ahead and change them, but do it because you want to, not because someone else is telling you to. This is what I call self-empowerment. Real empowerment comes from within. From the strength we gain when we are faced and overcome life’s obstacles and this as we know, is experienced completely differently by every single person.
“One cannot control the actions of others, but we are responsible for what we do. People say things such as, “I can’t do this,” “it is not really me,” “this makes me uncomfortable,” etc. People, simply put, opt out of playing the game or doing so in a way that will make them successful. So get over yourself, and do what you need to do – and what, by the way, others around you are doing, to become more powerful.” Jeffery Pfeffer
As we continue to live in these challenging times and enter in and out of lockdowns, it’s completely understandable that frustration, exhaustion , confusion and despair are going to arise. We all have moments when we feel we can’t do this anymore and then if someone were to turn around and say ” you just need to get over yourself ” and ‘get on with life’ it could seem a bit insensitive. When referring to the above quote by Jeffrey Pfeffer…” so get over yourself and do what you need to do – ” the question is, how do you just do what you have to do, if you don’t know how?
Through my healing journey of self-discovery and self empowerment, here are some ways I have learned to ‘get over myself’ because I consciously wanted to create life long change in my life, (not because someone told me I should).
KEEP THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE
When we feel overwhelmed and stressed out, it’s often hard to get a clear perspective on things happening around us. Keeping a sense of perspective in stressful times is vital to our well-being to keep us calm and avoid putting any more stress on our nervous system. If we lose perspective, we end up increasing our worries about things that may never happen. It all stems from our negative patterns of thinking and in times of crisis our brains can become incredibly unhelpful and often we can lose our perspective when we are trying to predict or control outcomes. During these times, it calls for us to shift our perspective and find alternative ways of thinking so we can better understand and manage the challenges we are currently facing. Once you can come to terms with your current situation, it will help you work through the roadblock and find a solution to the problem. It’s important to realise what you have control over and what you don’t. Although I know you would love to be able to control everyone and everything, the truth is…you can’t and you will never will. It’s ok now and then to have a pity party, but please remember you are never alone and try and get yourself out of there as soon as you can and keep your energy focused on the things you can control.
“If we all threw our problems into a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back” – Unknown
CHANGE YOUR LIMITING BELIEFS
We spend a lifetime collecting thoughts and beliefs in our brains that tell us how to perceive and react to the world. (Actually, 95% of the time we operate from our subconscious mind.) I was the last born in my family, and I remember as a child I found it hard to get attention when I needed to ask a question even at school, I can remember so often getting told by the teachers to ‘put my hand’ down and wait. I just assumed that my questions didn’t matter, that my parents were just busy and that the teachers were just tired of me asking questions. I had programmed a belief very early in life, that my questions didn’t matter, nor did my feelings or concerns. I carried this belief for so long that I finally lost all confidence to ask questions at all.
When I learned to ‘change this belief’ and reclaim my emotional authority & confidence, I realised that none of these things I thought were true. How those other people felt and why they didn’t respond to my questions had nothing to do with me. Building self-esteem and confidence in yourself is another way you can ‘get over yourself’, but you first have to change your perspective to the story or belief that has been keeping you stuck.
“The path to self-esteem lies in getting over yourself. There is nothing to esteem about our smaller dramas; it’s our commitment to something beyond ourselves that is truly estimable to ourselves and others: – Marianne Williamson
LAUGH & LOVE YOURSELF
Another way to help ‘get over yourself’ is to stop trying to be ‘perfect’ all the time and just have a laugh at yourself. Laugh at your mistakes, your imperfections, and how insidious life can get. We all have moments where we say the wrong thing, trip over a step, or fail in our endeavours. Just remember to go easy on yourself and saturate yourself with self-love & compassion, especially during these times of stress and uncertainty.
Believe it or not, there is science that suggests those who are able to laugh at themselves have better health than those who can’t. People who worry less about making mistakes are also less prone to chronic stress. As a recovering adrenal fatigue sufferer, chronic stress leads to an increase in the natural fight or flight hormonal system in our bodies, which can lead to other emotional and physical health issues. It really is true what they say, “laughter is the best medicine” and a great way to strengthen your immune system and reduce your stress. Perfectionists have a compelling need to conform, fit in, and usually spend their lives pleasing others. At some point, you will want to let go of this behaviour and live more authentically and in alignment with your true self.
One of my favourite reads is The Gifts of Imperfections by Brene Brown; she says:
“Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves. Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life. Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it’s often the path to depression, anxiety and addiction”. – Brene Brown
FACE YOUR FEARS
One of the most empowering skills I have learned on my self-healing journey is how to overcome my deepest subconscious fears and face them head-on! It requires a shift in not only a perspective but in consciousness. Our fears keep us stuck and stagnate and hold us back from living the life we desire. We can then find ourselves complaining about the same things over and over, eg . your weight, your finances, your marriage…and then that can unexpectedly lead to someone saying “oh get over yourself!” You can’t just ‘get’ over your fears if you don’t even know what they are. Facing your fears takes courage and the best way to get over them is by taking action. . George Addair states “Everything you’ve ever wanted is sitting on the other side of fear”. It is important to understand that unless we are willing to release these fears, we will never really know what we are truly capable of.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure” – Marianne Williamson
SHIFT YOUR FOCUS
The final way we can practice ‘getting over ourselves’ is to shift our focus. Rather than thinking about yourself and what you are or aren’t doing, focus on others.
Rather than focus on the negative things about your relationships, focus on your service to others and how you can help those in need during difficult times.
Shift your focus from what you can’t control to what you can control.
Shift your focus from what you believe to be a threat and look at the opportunities
Shift your focus from fearing or predicting future outcomes and bring your attention to the present moment. The only time we truly have is NOW.
Shift your focus from what’s happening to you and rather what’s happening for you to grow and learn.
Shift your focus from complaining about what you can’t do to practicing gratitude for what you can do
“All along, you’ve been shaping your destiny unconsciously. But you can also work on it consciously. If you make the effort to access your core and realise that everything is your responsibility, and shift your focus inside you, then you can rewrite your destiny. ” Jaggi Vasudeve